


We're all terrible in our own ways

by petaldancing



Category: Hyouka & Kotenbu Series
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Indirect Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 20:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17669951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petaldancing/pseuds/petaldancing
Summary: Valentine’s had always been a rather strange day for Eru Chitanda.





	We're all terrible in our own ways

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kyrenne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrenne/gifts).



> I rewatched (and spasmed over) episode 21 to write this, and I recommend you do the same! It truly never gets any less brutal or beautiful no matter how many times I rw it. Hope you enjoy it!

Valentine’s had always been a rather strange day for Eru Chitanda.

In elementary school, the boys would tease the girls, who would end up gifting animal-shaped chocolates everyone but them, and then the boys would sulk and lie that they didn’t want to receive any either way. Eru thought of it as a funny sort of dance between children. Apart from this, because her parents never acknowledged it, all she knew was that the week surrounding 14th February was marked by flashy discounts plastered over Kamiyama’s shopping district.

In middle school, watching her friends, Eru realised that Valentine’s Day was a day where you could be a bit braver than usual. And then, on White Day one month later—how awkward and difficult it was, thanking and turning down people who confessed to her all in the same breath. No matter how many times it happened, it never got any less embarrassing. Through all this, she nurtured a warm admiration for those who mustered up their courage and followed their hearts. She decided that Valentine’s Day was strange, but in a charming way.

Just when she thought she’d finally understood Valentine’s, high school was set upon her, and with it, the Classics Club. There was Houtarou Oreki—incredibly intelligent, and incredibly kind despite what he thought of himself, Satoshi Fukube—who was honest about his shortcomings but perhaps not much else, and Mayaka Ibara—the only one among them who was brave enough to do something for Valentine’s.

On hearing this, Eru’s fondness for Mayaka grew and grew, and she threw herself completely into Mayaka’s project. Her parents would disapprove if she made chocolate for someone, but this didn’t really count, did it? Shopping along aisles of ribbons with Mayaka, pressing their shoulders together and whispering a reply to the question “Do you have someone you like too?”, the strong, strong fragrance of cocoa beans—Eru held all these little memories close to her chest.

But come Valentine’s Day in her first year of high school, Eru learned that it could hurt too, in the most unexpected ways.

She didn’t know if she would ever fully forgive Fukube-san for doing what he did to Mayaka. And yet, she refused to believe that what he did, he did without reason. And so, when she entered the clubroom on the 15th of February, Eru greeted him the same way she would every other day, with a polite nod and her hand clutched tight at her side.

Sitting on the other side of table was Oreki-san, buried in a paperback novel as usual. The person who had ensured that the stolen chocolate was given to its rightful owner. Eru knew that Oreki-san had covered for Fukube-san by telling her that the culprit was from the Astronomy Club. She could not feel angry at this. Perhaps, it was because she hadn’t told him the entire truth too, when she said: “In my family, we don’t give gifts to those we’re truly close to.”

When Mayaka joined them soon after, the four of them commenced a meeting about the new issue of _Hyouka_ , as if yesterday’s events had not transpired. Mayaka scolded Fukube-san for suggesting a ridiculous topic, Fukube-san laughed it off with practiced ease, and Oreki-san echoed his disagreement only when he thought he needed to. That was how the Classics Club continued to be, after the handmade chocolate incident.

And so, when Mayaka asked if she wanted to make chocolate together again one winter afternoon in their second year, Eru lunged her arms across the table and asked, “Are you sure, Mayaka-san?”

“Mm. I am,” Mayaka answered without hesitation. Of course, because Mayaka never did anything half-heartedly.

“Do you want to do it together? Just like what we did last year.” The corners of Mayaka’s mouth lifted up into a sheepish grin. “Despite everything that happened, I had a lot of fun making chocolates with you.”

“Of course!” Eru sprang up onto her feet. “We’ll make it taste even better this time!”

Mayaka stood up too. Her eyes scanned the room briefly, lingering at the closed door. Oreki-san and Fukube-san were both busy with a class project today, so they wouldn’t be coming in. Mayaka pressed her palms onto the table and leaned forward to ask in a quiet voice, “Will… will you be giving Oreki chocolate this year?”  

Eru felt her cheeks grow hot. She cast her gaze to down to her shoes and cupped her hands together. In the past year, Oreki Houtarou had become much more familiar to her, from the sorts of books he enjoyed reading to the way he blinked his eyes twice just after yawning. It would be untrue to say that she never imagined giving him chocolates on Valentine’s—telling him to meet her privately, in this very clubroom, not to solve a mystery, but for something far more curious.

The way she felt towards him now, was it the same as it was last year? Or had time—all the hours spent talking, walking out the school’s gate, adventuring down Kamiyama’s hidden streets—turned it into something far more difficult to ignore?  

“In my family, we don’t...” Eru couldn't finish her sentence. How long more would she use her family name as an excuse? As a shield to hide behind when she was afraid to do something foolish? 

Mayaka snapped her fingers. “What if I give Oreki the chocolates? He’ll know it’s not really from me because he’s not _that_ dense.”

How easy it would be for Mayaka to do that, and to mention offhandedly that Eru had helped to make the chocolates too. She thought that it would allow her to do something for Oreki-san, without having to face the consequences of what such an action meant. And then, she thought about Fukube-san, going so far as to steal his own chocolate just so that he wouldn’t need to accept it properly. She understood him a little bit more now. 

“Wouldn't that make me no better than Fukube-san?”

Mayaka’s mouth opened just slightly. “Ah,” was all she could say before she slumped back down onto the chair.

“N-Not that there’s anything wrong about Fukube-san!” Eru continued, frantically waving her hands in the air. “Apart from that, he’s really a nice person!”

Mayaka chuckled as she shook her head. “No, he can be a terrible person. But so am I. Maybe that’s why we’re together, huh?”

“You’re not, Mayaka-san.” Eru furrowed her brow.

At this, Mayaka reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “And I know you’re definitely not, Chi-chan. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was pushing you to do something you didn’t want to. Let’s do what you think is best for now. Whatever you’re able to.”

Eru flipped her hand over so that she could hold tight onto Mayaka’s sleeve. If she could borrow even a fraction of Mayaka’s courage, Eru thought how much simpler everything could be. Mayaka was always honest without compromise, even when it hurt herself—even when it hurt others. Eru did not think she could ever live like Mayaka.

Maybe she could try just this once. Maybe that was enough.

“Not at all. If anything, you’ve been a big help. Now, where should we go to get the ingredients?”

 

* * *

 

“That isn’t for Satoshi, is it?”

Eru looked over her shoulder. She’d been watching the snow gather on the field outside, and the trickle of students trudging across the white patch to get to the school’s main entrance. She'd heard his footsteps coming down the hallway, but couldn’t bear to turn and face the door until now.

“No. It’s for you, Oreki-san.”

She noticed his eyes widen, and that he was now frozen in place, feet glued to the empty space between the closed door and the table. She wasn’t doing this properly, was she? Eru took a deep breath, picked up the gold-ribboned box from the middle of the table, and walked over to where Oreki-san was standing extremely still.

She held it out to him, hands shaking just so.

“What I said to you last year, it's still true. But I wanted to give this to you this year, because... ” She did not know how to begin to explain all the things he’d come to mean to her. She only knew that she did not want to make the same mistake as Fukube-san. That she wanted to be a bit braver today, more than any other day in the year. So, she said once more: “Because.”

She had expected him to raise a questioning eyebrow, to throw her words back at her, to tug on his bangs and unravel the mystery like the poorly wrapped secret it was.

Instead, after a long pause, he reached out to receive the chocolates with both hands. It was a slow and gentle movement. 

“Thank you, Chitanda.”

He tucked his chin to his collar, so she couldn’t see his expression even though she really wanted to at that very moment.

Eru found it strange, but charming. The way Houtaoru Oreki had always been to her.


End file.
